Le Sigh...

I approve of making things into learning opportunities, even if those things unsolicted and rudely worded comments from strangers. I don't profess to know everything... and sometimes I even make glaring errors. Fancy that! I'm a human being! Whenever someone acts that way towards me, I try to seperate out the crude bullying aspects from whatever message I might be able to take away from the encounter.

My takeaway message: double check your facts, even if the prof said them. The prof might be wrong, I might have misheard or misinterpretted. Especially with Bowie on the mind, right? Good message. And I'm never above being corrected or learning something from someone who has more knowledge, wisdom or experience than me.

But I don't think that anyone deserves to be verbally abused or bullied. Ever. I might not know all there is to know about brain imaging. I might not ever know! But I sure do know a heck of a lot about bullying, abuse, misuse of power in relationships, language in relationships and general power dynamics (on and off the web). So, dear reader, I hope you will indulge me while I wax on a bit about the topic, which I learned about from one of the world's leading researchers in this field.

There are a few interesting things going on when someone attempts to take the piss out of you on the Internet. This is a way of acting out aggression that most likely (but not always) can't be safely expressed within the aggressor's day to day life. Typically, this is an individual that feels a lack of power or control in their own life and attempts to make themselves feel better by attempting to take power or control in someone else's life. Usually the person who is victimized has less social power (for example, they are new to blogger, have less knowledge about the topic being discussed, are more of a newbie on the Internet in general). The person who bullies gets momentary satisfaction from making someone else feel bad (or at least imagining that the other person feels bad - on the web it's an assumption because one doesn't see the immediate reaction). But the problem is that bullying another person does not address the root cause of the person who bullies self-esteem problems, and so, the person who bullies must continue to seek this reinforcement over and over again. And so there is a cycle where they seek validation that they are smart, or powerful, or capable of control over SOMETHING. It is the cycle of abuse and it continues (usually) until there is an intervention of sorts.

The other interesting thing happens when a person choses to make their comments anonymously. That's a very interesting and ultimately weak way of asserting perceived control. It's very safe... the aggressor remains unknown and protected from any personal investment. By not revealing anything about their own humanity, it is easier for them to treat the person they victimize as a non-human. What's more, when using the Internet to bully, the person who bullies does not have to see any of the human reaction on the receiving end. They miss any chance to develop the empathy necessary for social interaction. They commit the aggression and don't have to deal with any consequences.

Consider if you will, the kid on the playground who (for whatever reason) punches another kid. They see them cry, get hurt, other people around get angry. There are social consequences and the kid who did the punching gets to see first hand what the kid who got punched is going through. Hopefully certain mirror neurons fire, and the kid who punched gets to imagine deeply what it is like to be punched. Social learning... social consequences... social interaction. This is the same with social bullying... when the person aggressing can actually recognize what the consequences of their behaviour is on another person, imagine what it is like to be treated that way themselves, realize they don't want to be treated that way... well, then barring developmental difficulties, the kid learns to play nice and handle disagreements in a more pro-social way.

Internet bullying. Sigh... a huge problem among children and teens. I guess I'm surprised to see it coming from someone who is (in my opinion) cool enough to know so much about and be so passionately interested in medical science. Someone, who I imagine, I would probably really like to talk to and learn from. I mean, wow! What an incredible resource.

But, alas, I don't even know who the person is, their age, or even what country they live in. They haven't even provided me with a way to contact them privately. That leaves me with little choice other than to ignore them completely, or to write this post publicly. And since I believe in creating opportunities for learning, I chose the public venue.

So, I want to be clear. I will not tolerate rude language or flames on my blog. That includes swearing at me, calling me names, or making unkind inferences about my level of inteligence. Of course I will delete any comments like that.

But I also want to be clear about this. Whoever you are. I'm not a threat. I'm not a mean person. You don't have any need to take out whatever is bothering you on me. If I get some facts wrong, even horribly wrong on my innocent little blog, it doesn't actually harm you in any way. And you have a choice about how you can react. You can chose to use your power, knowledge, expertise and wisdom for good. You can share politely and even make a friend. Who knows, play your cards right and I could end up being a huge fan of whoever you are. Or you can react in a way that makes it very difficult for me to feel positively about you and what you represent (really cool science stuff). If you've got power, you've got responsibility for how you use it in the world. You can make the world (and my blog) a better place, or you can leave it alone. Those are your choices.

I really hope you make the nice one, because honestly, you sound like a pretty cool person.

Take care.