Reduced Load

It's been almost two months of "reduced load" at school to recover my health and I'm just starting to relax a bit. I've started sleeping a bit more predictably, which I think has been the biggest factor in my starting to feel the slightest bit more well. I'm still not used to not doing something, not WORKING in all of my spare time. I really don't know what to do with myself. Mr Husband pointed out that all of my "hobbies" are actually work-related. So I'm on a kind of quest to figure out what I enjoy doing that isn't work or learning based. Suggestions are welcome.

I also went no-contact with my Mom again... Brutal. A few weeks ago, it came to our attention that she had been gambling again. [For those of you just tuning in: my Mom gambled away all of the equity in her home while my Dad was sick.] When I found out, my brain just kind of short-circuited. I can't save her. She is in deep and desperate need of something that I just can't give her and I hope that she will accept help from one of the many people who are offering it. The hording stuff has also back-slided [think large pile of nail clippings on the carpet underneath the coffee table]. I can't do it anymore. C-PTSD focuses on healing relationships for recovery, so I'm trying to leave myself open to them and not freak out too much about it. I've been very good at giving them to others but have been quite deprived myself. Thank Dog for Mr. Husband and Lil Miss Best Friend.

I'm off to the gym shortly. I started personal training appointments again and am once more struck with how the psychological gets stored in our physical bodies. Lots of muscle imbalances to work out. And wow, I forgot I had muscles! Last year at this point, I could do 40 military-style pushups. Now I can do three. I'm hoping that my body can remember what was good and start to let go of what was bad. Also got myself another copy of the anatomy colouring book (which Mr. Husband says is "learning" but I say is "colouring"). Slowly... I'll get there.