"Dr. House" Was The Nicest Nickname I Could Think Of

Assholery, the likes of which is usually reserved for the operating rooms of brain surgeons or mob-movie characters played by Joe Pesci. Di-ick. That is my new practicum supervisor. Brilliant, excellent at what he does, feared by his peers and tolerated by his underlings... and regardless of how talented he is, absolutely NO ONE likes him.

He picks on people. There is one young lady on our student team, a really excellent neuropsychologist-to-be who ended up in our program (even though she didn't want to be) due to lack of placements for neuropsych students at our level in this city. She is a very young and shy person who defers to authority. She is highly anxious as she is not in her element. And every morning at our team meeting, Dr. House picks on her over and over again. He likes to begin team meetings by circulating stories from the tree newspapers he reads every day and commenting on them. One story last week had something to do with "California State University at Berkley." He says to Ms. Shy, "So, Ms. Shy, what state is California State University in?" Ms. Shy doesn't know how to respond... "Uh, what to you mean, what state is it in?" He just keeps repeating his question. She is visibly panicked and uncomfortable. She heard the question, but thinks that he must be trying to trick her. After 5 rounds of this, he switches to a caustic tone and asks another student. "It's in California." Uh-huh. Ms. Shy turns seven shades of red. He directs his next stoopid-gotcha question at her. Great, Dr. House. We're all really impressed that you know how to make nervous-and-very-talented young women nearly cry. [slow sarcastic clapping] We're all really impressed. BRA-VO.

He's done a few things that have got under my skin since we started on Sept. 6th. He's made bets on how far into an interview it would be before a mother started crying. He's made fun of the cities that clients are from. He's made rude remarks about Jehova's Witnesses. He's interrupted people and walked away from them while they were talking to him and in mid-sentence. He has suggested to me personally that I would be given more leeway than younger students and that I would not have to take 5pm clients because I was "over 30 and have a life." My response? "Well, thanks for being unfair in my favour, I guess." He holds court. Fine, but I already have a theatre degree.

But the other day, he became very angry with me because I adhered to a professional standard. Basically, if you were to read ever single book on therapy in the world, and talk to every therapist in the world, you wouldn't find a single one that says that it is a good idea to extend the therapy hour when a client is late. This is important for several reasons. 1. It's important to have boundaries with clients and to establish them early on (especially if you are a new therapist... like me). 2. Extending the therapy hour sends a message to the client that it is okay to be late and that the therapy is not important. 3. Extending the therapy hour has more to do with the therapist's feelings of discomfort and wanting to be seen as a "nice guy" than having the client's best interests at heart. 4. Helping the client to contain their anxiety/anger and make the best of the session is clinically more useful and ultimately more respectful of the client. BUT regardless of all these reasons and more, Dr. House insisted that I "should have known better." Really? Exactly how should I have known that you flout a clinically and theoretically important convention that is adhered to by 100% of therapist excluding you? And how was I to have known that exactly? Was it in one of the many administrative training manuals that you neglected to give me?

On top of this, Dr. House insisted that I had been "poisoned" by the professors at my University (which he added - "only work 6 months a year" and "don't care about anybody") and he declared that he needed to "turn you back into the human being I know you are."

Uh, hold the phone. Are you, Dr. House, giving me a lesson in compassionate humanity? Because if you are, we need to call those three newspapers that you read every day and message all the activist Internet sites that refer to you as a callous-jackass-lacking-in-empathy. Clearly they were wrong and the media should be alerted.

So he asked me to call the client and APOLOGIZE and offer her a more convenient and longer therapy session next week. I told him that I would be happy to offer the new appointment but that I would not apologize. I don't think I've done anything wrong and I'm not sorry. So appologizing would be lying to the client (something else that is contraindicated in therapy, go figure) and I don't beleive it would be helpful. The client ended up telling me on the phone that they couldn't have stayed even if I did offer a long time, and they refused the new time and the extended appointment. Dr. House says that I am "off the hook for now." Mm-hmm. Off the hook. Thank you, oh grand exalted master...

Ah, the humiliating world of graduate work. Anyone want to take bets as to how long into the school year before he swears at me?

And.... GO!

Let's bring you up to speed a little, shall we, Dear Reader?

The summer was rather a bust. I'm still PFS (pretty fucking sick), although we have managed to nail down part of the picture of what is wrong with me. I'm anaemic and they suspect a sub-clinical thyroid issue. I'm caught up in the endless debate of what constitues "sick" that goes on between medical science and the naturopathic community. I'm feeling a litte bit better since starting iron a few weeks ago, but a long way off from feeling even remotely well. The school year has started with a BIG BANG and I am scrambling up this steep hill called a "learning curve" at my intervention practicum. It will be intersting to talk about it with you, as I am studying under a prominent psychologist in a relatively rare area of specialization. This year's focus will be patients referred for GID - Gender Identity Disorder and I will be working under the supervision of someone that I will affectionately (for now) refer to as "Dr. House." Suffice it to say, he knows what he is doing, but appears to lack empathy and be a bit of a dick at times. Having said that, I do not feel the same sense of apprehension and intimidation that some of my colleagues feel. I know I will learn a lot from this experience, even if Dr. House does decide to let me jump into having clients without watching me in session. Right now I'm taking it as confidence in me because I have worked at the Org for so long and have some experience working in Brief Solution-Focused with transgendered youth on the telephone.

The Practicum Org is an enormous hospital, with many different departments. I have a special badge that identifies me as SANE and allows me free access to most areas, except the cafeteria kitchen, which is too bad because I'm hungry there most of the time. This is due to never having a break to eat, pee, check email, book a client, or have a modicum of privacy. Our student computer room is three long lines, troughs if you will, of closely packed-in computers and shared telephone extensions. Bathrooms are few and far between and require keys. Thankfully, I have the SANE badge, which comes with a special key that allows me access to toilets and play therapy rooms.

I also have a TAship, into to psych for freshmen. My co TAs seem competent and fair, so good luck there. And I don't appear to need to go to the class except for tests. I'm TAing with a woman who I TAed with in my first year of grad school, and it is pretty nice since we have a good understanding of how to work together and get along.

I have one class that I have to attend on Fridays from 10:30-2:30. More on that later. Right now I'm feeling very resentful about it because I got saddled with doing nearly 4 hours of photocopying for myself and the other three students. I didn't realize that I had to learn how to be a copy machine repair wizard as a condition of graduation. But now I know how to fix ANY paper jam and reload ink cartridges. And the people at administrative support know me by name and have classically conditioned stress responses whenever they hear it.

I am hopelessly behind on writing work I have to do for the two OTHER organizations that I consult for (see being sick all summer) and feeling quite stressed out about that. I'm sure if I could stay awake and cognitively functioning for more than two hours at a time, I could get more done. Also, if my SPSS licence hadn't expired... right now it is a convenient excuse to not have some analyses done for a report due in late October.

Other than that, I should be working on my proposal, putting time in at the Org, and thinking about my minor area paper. But I'm just too tired. Dr. Supervisor was really good to point out that I'm quite lucky to be in grad school and funded for three years because if I need to take 4 months off to recoup, I can. It's just that I don't want to. For some (stupid) reason, it feels like quitting, or not being as smart or strong as all the other kids. I don't want to miss anything. I don't want to straddle two cohorts. I want to be the superfit leader, the one charging ahead and breaking ground in my field, in my cohort, in my program. Like if people find out that I am sick, I fear that they will take some satisfaction from it. I don't know if that would happen, or if I am projecting that on to them (in which case, I'm a horrible fucking bitch), but I fear it. Like I have said before, I don't know who I am if I am not special. Maybe this will be when I finally find out. I hope that who I am has grace.

Appointment with the Naturopathic doctor tonight. I'll let you know if anything comes up.

Until next time,
Psyche