"I'm Loosing My Perspicacity!!!"

As you all know, I am Lisa Simpson, and she uttered this line in one of my favourite episodes ever - when the teacher's went on strike and she became anxious, withdrawn, and depressed as a result.

Well, don't worry, there is no strike (not until next year, at least). But I do feel as though I am losing my keeness of mental perception and understanding, as well as my ability to dredge up more than a single synonym for any one word required on a scholarship application. The good news is that I have been contacted by my faculty of graduate studies because they want to forward on my application to a very prestigious (and financially grand) scholarship. I made it to the final round of this application process last year and was disappointed when I didn't win it. So I am extremely grateful to know that the department and the university support my application. They asked me to tweak some of my submission, however, and requested my references rewrite their letters to focus more on my specific leadership experiences and abilities.

Honestly, I can only think of so many ways to say that I led something or someone. I've used words like created, spearheaded, inspired, facilitated, liaised, managed, supported, presidential, chairperson, guided... I'm out of words. I really don't know how much more I can hammer home the leadership thing. I'm careful of not revealing my Clark-Kent online, otherwise I would tell you all in great detail what my leadership acheivements are... but those of you who know me know them anyway, and I can say this: They kick the ass of the two other people I know who have one this thing...

I WANT it.

Oh, but lordy, I know better than to get my hopes up. These things don't work by the normal rules of deserving. You don't "win" a scholarship any more than you "win" the lottery. Winning implies some sort of competition in which there are sane and reasonable rules that all parties invovled are aware of. No, with scholarships, your A averege gets you to the evaluation committe. After that, it just depends on whether someone evaluating your application happens to like your area of reserach, your supervisor, or the way your name looks in 12 pt arial font. The process takes 9 months, but it's just that random.

So wish me luck, I guess.

In other news... trying to finish your annual scholarship applications before the deadlines is difficult for anyone in full time studies. Doing it the same week your supervisor gives you a hard deadline for your thesis is upping the ante. Having all that going on at the same time you are dealing with your own ailing parents making the biggest financial mistake of their lives AND your MIL having a stroke is another thing all together.

Awesome MIL has been in the hospital for 6 days. She been sick with what I can only describe as a wasting disease all summer. She's a tiny lady to begin with and now almost 20 lbs lighter than she ever should be. She fell in the tub and hit her head and instead of waking up her husband who was sleeping in the bedroom, she called MY MOM! Yup, Mummer was dispatched to Awesome MIL's house and (in a rare moment of her catastrophizing being correct) suspected she had suffered stroke and took her to he hospital. Husband and I have been at MIL's, helping FIL keep his shit together all week. And hey, we are happy to do it. We LOVE and ADORE MandFIL. Seriously. LOVE them. But I have to admit, the timing is a little crazy. In the past 4 days I have done two scholarship applications and wrote my entire results and discussion sections. Which brings me to my next and final piece of news:

The thesis draft is finished. It has been sent off through cyberspace to Dr. Supervisor (who is sympathetic to the family stress but can't do anything about my timelines). They get one more edit, then it is off to second reader, outer-university committee member, then we defend and DONE. I only hope that I (and by I, I mean Dr. Supervisor) didn't miss the departmental deadlines for me to have my draft in to the university for me to graduate and actually keep my scholarship. I just found out that drafts have to be in by Oct. 29th or somesuch, and that each of my readers is allowed to take up to 4 weeks with it first. So yeah, that's not going to happen clearly. Tomorrow I will make a panicked phone call to the department to figure out what the dilly-o, but until then... family worry + thesis worry + hard unfamiliar bed = another sleepless night.

We're supposed to get a formal diagnosis for MIL tomorrow. If you believe in gawd, please pray. If you don't, well, maybe pray anyway... there is a lot of stuff going on right now for which I have enormous concern and very, very little power. Any good vibes are appreciated, acknowledged, recognized, valued, treasured, prized, aprehended and comprehended.